I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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