Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
