He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ruined the universe
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
