He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
