I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
