3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
