I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
