My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
