i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.