im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand