the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness