I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine