You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!