Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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