I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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