They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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