...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
