She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
