it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
