I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
