we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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