I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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