broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
