yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
