I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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