youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was CRYING into my vagina
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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