I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
