Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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