Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
