you guys were way drunker than both of me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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