i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
