I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its not stalking. its research.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
