11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
