Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
