OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
