And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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