I met the friendliest cop last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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