News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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