dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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