College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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