Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
