totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
