meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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