I can tuck mytits in my pants
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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