I just threw up on my dentist
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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