i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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