I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
