Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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