Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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