I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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