I just threw up on my dentist
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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