Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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