Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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