Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
