just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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