I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize