there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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