if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
