$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
