I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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