I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
