Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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