Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
