Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
