Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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