I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
