Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
