Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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