your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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